Expected

James was supposed to call me today.

He didn’t.

Part of me is glad.

Part of me is kinda ticked off.

But more of me is glad.

I’m so used to him not doing what he says he will or “forgetting”. It’s just not a new thing for me.

But I typically still have this hope that for once in his life he’ll come through on what he says.

It’s been a month since I’ve talked to him. I asked him to stop calling once a week and he actually listened. Too bad he forgot the whole “I’ll call on the 19^th” thing.

But I’m glad he didn’t call. Even when we are getting along I still don’t like talking to him. Brings back way too many horrible memories. I’d much rather not talk to him so I don’t have to listen to him talk about his family bragging about Joshua and telling stories of the few times they’ve seen him. It’s insulting to me and to the people that have actually put in an effort to be a part of his life. James’ entire family is just a bunch of lazy jack wagons. They talk about Joshua like he is there with them all of the time but it’s been a year since James’ grandparents have seen him and it’s been 9 months since James has seen him.

I just want him to forget about these attempts to look like a decent human being. He hasn’t done anything for Joshua and it’s lame that he keeps trying to convince himself that he’s not completely worthless.

But I guess that’s not a nice thing for me to think. OH WELL.

My dad (and probably the rest of my family) thinks I should just not “worry” about James anymore.

Sorry to disappoint but it’s kinda HARD. I’m not that “worried” about him. I’m more annoyed by him.

The last time I talked to James he told me that getting drunk was the most important thing to him. I was strangely satisfied and comforted by that statement. At least I know he hasn’t changed.

My family doesn’t understand how I feel about this or why I think the way I do about James or why I “worry” about him calling or whatever.

It’s frustrating but I don’t expect them to understand.

I can’t. None of them have dealt with this situation themselves. They’ve dealt with this through my experience with it..but none of them have been in this situation.