11 Months

Today officially makes Joshua 11 months old. I keep trying to process this past year and remember everything I could. If it's quiet enough I can bring myself back to the first week we were home. Hectic, dramatic, stressful, sleepless, confusing, happy..I never thought one week could be described in so many words. It definitely could have been better though.
There was a lot of drama with his father. We weren't getting along, fighting constantly. I don't know what made things that way. I can't remember. All I know is the constant threats of having Joshua taken away from me because I have "mental disorders" and am "unfit" made it very hard for me to bond with my son.
I can remember the exact moment I looked at Joshua and automatically knew that he was mine forever. Mine to love. Mine to hold. Mine to console. Joshua is my baby. My child. My son. He was about a month old. I was holding him above my head, making funny faces at him. He, of course, was not very responsive because he had yet to smile or laugh or coo. (All things that when they happened the first time made me cry a little)
The drama had stopped, his father and I were getting along a little better. He had yet to see him since Joshua was about 2 days old, but we weren't fighting as much. I wasn't worrying about threats of Joshua being taken away from me. Things were settling down. We were in a better routine...which of course consisted of: nursing Joshua, finding little time to bathe or eat, nursing Joshua, watching Joshua sleep, nursing Joshua, attempting to sleep myself, nursing Joshua..typical new mommy things.

Anyways, the first month was kinda nutty. I was running on very little sleep and the main side effect of that was that I stuttered. I stuttered like a crazy person. I eventually convinced Joshua's father to come see him. He came about once a month for about 3 months. Then it trickled down to..never. Oh well.

And now Joshua is 11 months. His personality shines through with every little move he makes. Stubborn, funny, sweet, VERY determined, don't you DARE try to convince him that doing something other than trying to eat dog food, paper, or lady bugs is a good idea. He still doesn't sleep through the night..which makes me a little envious of the other moms with babies that are great sleepers. He is possibly (and I'm pretty sure definitely) the cutest baby ever. He still doesn't have a full head of hair, he still has the same fat pockets on his knees, and he crawls like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. But he is definitely the cutest, most adorable, sweetest baby ever. He's attempted to take a few steps by himself but crawling is still faster so I'm not expecting him to walk independently any time soon.

He's my favorite person. I can't wait till I can have conversations with him.